Establish a sleep routine

Sleep deprivation is natural for parents during the first months of a baby's life. Say from birth to 3months. Babies are usually able to stick to a routine from them onwards.There are many different books out there that talk about how to establish a sleeping routine especially at night.

Personally, I think the fastest way to establish one is to do it and let the baby cry. You know crying won't hurt your baby, in fact, your baby came into the world crying which is why you received congratulations. So as long as you know your baby is not ill, has been fed and has a clean nappy, wrap him and leave him in his cot to sleep and let him cry until he sleeps. You may need to do this for a few days before it sticks.

However difficult it is for you to listen to your child's cries, remember that setting a routine now will help you overall as a parent. As your child grows older, bedtime will remain a continous thing that you will have to stay on top of. You are the parent so be one by taking charge. You can!

Tip: Offer a feed to your baby and bathe him nearer bedtime so that he is in sleep mode. You may also play lullabies in his room. Stick to the same process daily.

Feeding your baby

How we feed our babies is one of the most important decisions we make those first few weeks of their lives. Agreed, we probably decided way before they were born but sometimes certain things make it impossible for us to stick to our initial decision.

Breastmilk is the best form of food for our babies and the department of Health recommends exclusive breastfeeding for the first 6months.

However sometimes it is impossible for us to breast feed so we choose to bottle feed. I have found that doing this is particularly difficult for mothers of African descent becasue of interference from relatives.

The Stories

In general, people assume that you are breast feeding your baby, they have great stories to tell you that can make you question your decision in a split second. The stories include things like 'breast-feeding makes the baby's brain develop better' and ' breast-fed babies are more active than bottle-fed babies'. You'll hardly stand a chance but if your mind is made up, then take no notice.

The Truth

Breast feeding is indeed the best form of feeding for your baby as aforementioned but it does not always work for everyone and if it is not working for you, then accept it.

The Guilt

You will most probably have some feelings of guilt when you decide not to breastfeed or stop breast feeding early. It's again the ' perfect mum syndrome', the need to reassure yourself that you are doing the best for your child. You will have to make and stick to a decision so as to lessen the conflicting emorions you are already coping with.

TIP:
If breastfeeding and your child has colic, try not to drink orange juice as it contributes to it.

If bottle feeding and your child has colic, try INFACOL , Mums say it works like magic .

The Perfect Mum Syndrome

Everyone wants to be the best mum to her child. It is an innate desire. Even society expects it. It is no wonder that we struggle with the aspects of motherhood we find exasperating in a bid to be what we think we should be. We forget however, that babies are all different. Some stop crying the minute their mum picks them up and others do not. My first baby was one of the latter.

We were living in UK then and I was returning from a friend's baby shower. I boarded the train with my then 2month old baby in his pushchair. The train was not ready to move yet so I took my time in finding a good position that would accommodate us, what with all the bags I had. After about 5 minutes, my son began to cry. Now he has strong lungs and when he cries, it's almost impossible to believe he didn't just have salt rubbed on an open wound.

Anyway, I was doing my best to calm him down as quickly as possible. I unstrapped him from his pushchair, cuddled him and even began to sing one of my self-composed lullabies. He was having none of it. I tried to feed him water since he had eaten less than an hour earlier but he only cried harder.

By this time, we had become the object of attention and strangers were offering to help pacify him. I knew he couldn't be hungry but I was trying desperately to save face that I decided to feed him again. All sense, reason and knowledge about letting him self soothe when he is obvioulsly fine flew out of my mind.

I brought out one of the ready made formula , tore it open, spilling it all over as I struggled to pour it into the sterilised bottle with my son still in my arms. I was inwardly thankful that the train was now moving and our home was only 3 stops away. My son refused my peace offering; forcefully rejected the bottle and as if on cue he immediately stopped crying.

Awash with relief, I wondered why I had just gone through all that panicking. Simple: I was trying to be the 'perfect' mum; but you know what? There is no such thing!

TIP: Follow your instincts with your baby

Now the wait is over

They say if you want to know what it means to wait ask a pregnant woman. How true!

A baby's arrival is perhaps the happiest moment in life albeit preceeded by a waiting period and a mixture of emotions Some of the emotions are hormone induced and others are just life's realities kicking in as you begin wrapping your mind round this overwhelming experience.

Every mother will agree that those first moments after delivering the baby make up for the long wait. Never would the sound of a human cry sound so great whilst bringing so much pleasure nor the sight of 'gunk' all over a newborn be so lovely to behold. Those are indeed precious moments and even though your strength is gone, the word 'labour' now has a real meaning, somehow from within you a sigh is let out ~the waiting is over how wonderful!

If for you, completing the wait is tinged with sadness because mum, infant or both are not doing well or due to any other difficulty, remember that there are people who have had similar experiences and organisations that are ready to help you so by all means contact them. More information about support groups can be found online or by asking your Health Practitioner.

If however, all is well with mum and child, hearty congratulations to you and a warm welcome to the newborn. A new phase begins here and I call it ' the cycle'. For the mum it will be: tiredness - sleeplessness - tiredness - sleeplessness and for the baby it will be: eat - poop - cry - eat - poop - cry (with a little bit of sleep to spice things up).

You will need all the help you can get so do not hesitate to accept offers from friends and family and just incase no one offers to help, don't be ashamed to ask.

TIP: Find time to relax and do something for yourself daily even if it is just for 10minutes. Your child will appreciate and prefer a rested you.

*article first written in June 2005.